This morning has been completely tramatic and emotional for me. I have been crying for what seems like a never-ending, eternal amount of time and yet the tears just kept coming - until a few minutes ago. (Despite what many of you think, I actually don't cry that much anymore.)
Tyler has been waking up earlier and earlier each morning for the past few nights - until we hit 3am!! two nights ago. (The usual was around 6:30am.) So, that was a little frustrating and last night we let him cry it out until 5am - he actually didn't cry all that long. Anyhow, a little strange and a shock to my system that was getting used to sleeping LONG stretches at a time. This morning when he woke up for the day everything was going fine. Ben and Trent had gone upstairs and I was nursing Tyler when he bit me and drew blood for the THIRD TIME! I never noticed the small amounts before until I would change much later, but this time I started bleeding all over Tyler, my bed, and me, which meant that both Tyler and I were in tears as we headed up the stairs. I don't know why, but it all just felt lik the end. Of course my very calm, level-headed husband said "just go buy some formula" and then proceeded to tell me all the benefits to stopping nursing. And while I know he said all this to make me feel better and to help me find a way to deal with this problem, I just couldn't stop crying as he kept listing the benefits. (Of course I could list all the benefits too...Trent was easy to nurse and Tyler is much more difficult and picky about what's happening around him.)
Now, I know that this only makes sense to those of you who have nursed or wanted to, but that's emotional. I don't know why's it so emotional, but it is. I love cuddling with my babies and having that special time with them. And although I know Tyler is going to be just fine no matter what we feed him, at this point I was still happily looking forward to having a few more months nursing Tyler before he moved onto the toddler-phase of life.
Well, I put Tyler down for a nap, got dressed and headed to the store. I bawled the whole way and cried and cried in the baby food aisle. (The poor store associate standing right by me!) Fortunately, I called my amazing and very understanding friend and bawled to her. My good friend told me it was normal to feel that way and that it is emotional and that it's just fine to be so upset about the whole thing. Then she told me to give it time - I think that means more for me than for Tyler! (Thank you so much, Heather! I really needed your support!)
I dropped everything off and handed it to Ben and took Trent out on a little date. Ben said Tyler LOVED it and was just fine. That made me cry! (Happy and sad!) Then just now I fed Tyler a bottle and he acted like he was thinking "Thank you so much for finally feeding me!" He ate it all and for the first time in weeks did all the contented sighs and looked at me so sweetly. I didn't even have to think of using the vinegar trick like I did with Trent. I just held him tight and realized that I can still have all the time I need to bond with my baby before he grows into the next part of life. So, I cried again while he happily ate and then got sleepy and I put him to bed. I'm crying as I write this, but I am also feeling relief that I'm doing the right thing. (And it looks like the poor kid is starving lately!!) So, that's my super-emotional Saturday. Thanks for listening.
6 comments:
I am so sorry. I know exactly what you are going through. I did the same thing with James when I found out I was pregnant with Lincoln. I never knew it would be so emotionally draining. You are emotional because you are a good Mom and want to do what is best for your baby. You should be proud of yourself for lasting so long. I have friends that stop after 3 days and don't even feel emotional about it at all. I am sorry you had such a bad morning but I am glad you have such a good husband to hold you up while you are down! In one of my Mommy Magazines it said babies have a tendency of weaning themselves once they start teething. The article said it hurts their mouths to suck and nursing requires more sucking strength. I hope you can cheer up and realize you are helping Tyler by giving him a bottle - his poor little teething mouth couldn't handle it much longer! You did what was best for him! If you don’t want to use formula you are welcome to borrow my breast pump. You can buy the attachments really cheaply at Babies R Us and then you can still give your sweet little thing momma’s milk.
I'm so sorry Amber, that sounds horrible, but I can't sympathize with you much because I have the opposite problem. I'm the one who wants to stop and my baby won't let me! I don't like nursing much and only do it because I know it's best and I've generally only done it until my babies are about 6 months. This has been the longest with Baron and he still will not take a bottle, but I'm ready to be done! So tell me...what's this vinegar trick?! I have to know if it will help me get him to take a bottle!! Thanks!
Oh man, what a rough morning...we've all had those! Good thing you had your supportive hunny there and a good friend to call to help you get through it. Henry got his first tooth when he was 3 months old and it made nursing painful and difficult at times. He bit me a few times, and I would pull him off and tell him no and then the poor little guy would just cry. I finally quit nursing him just short of a year because I had sores that would not go away. And he was fine and a happy boy. Your little guy will let you know what he wants, and you'll still get those special moments with him. Put it's ok to get emotional, it's part of being a mommy. :)
Not a fun morning. :( i know just what you are going through. i was only able to nurse all 3 of my kids for 1 month before my milk just stopped coming in. with the girls i wasn't that sad, but with Eizyn it was so hard, i tried pills, and teas, and pumping and to no avail. it is not a fun thing to go through. sorry it was such a bad day for you. :(
Oh, so sad, I know how that feels. I went thru the same thing with Karli. I had to have a hystorectomy when she was 8 and half months, and my milk completely dried up. I cried for days, so don't feel bad for crying, it's normal. I'm glad you and your baby are adjusting now. Have a happy Thanksgiving!
awww...although i don't know exactly what you are going through, i do know that it is definitely an emotional thing. blake never nursed...we tried so hard but he just wouldn't and he just lost weight so we went to the bottle (and then the tears and crying stopped on both ends), then with cole i couldn't nurse him because of the heart medication i was on even though i really wanted to. i know there are so many benefits, but i still bonded just as well to my kids as i would have if i nursed i think. When we adopt i obviously won't be able to nurse either so it kind of breaks my heart but finding other ways to bond and enjoy them during feeding time I think is just as great. Just remember that there really is no right or wrong way...just the way you feel and doing what's best for you and your family at that moment. You are a great mom!!
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